i needta vent so here's this post

 I've noticed that a lot of the time I find it hard to put my feelings into words, but once I do...I'm in a much better place bc I've let those feelings out. Soooo imma try to do that here

I've noticed that one of Satan's most clever forms of attack is making us question who we are. This is ESPECIALLY true for me. How does he do this for me? Well, I think a lot of it is making me question my own mind. Making me doubt what's going on in my own head. He can get me to focus so much on my trials (in this case, it's the fact that I have Asperger's Syndrome) that I forget to, like, actually cope with it and get caught in a worry spiral and soon I don't see myself as Emma- I see myself as my Asperger's.

Or he can get me caught up in remembering a flaw I have in my personality: perfectionism. This showed up A LOT in my younger self. I'd copy people, mimic them even, in an attempt to try and become cooler. Perfect. And if I wasn't...I'd beat myself up. I'd blow the whole thing up into a mountain I couldn't climb or even see the top of. So now, if I like something based on what I see other people doing...I doubt myself, y'know? Is this real? Or am I just copying? Wait, am I getting into a worry spiral? Ohhh crapohcrap we can't have that happen...no no no, everyone's telling us we can't, gotta stay present, gotta stay present, gottastaypresent...

and suddenly i'm at the bottom of this deep dark pit i can't seem to get out of no matter how hard i try

+ it's just this constantly

finding light + then falling

like i'm going nowhere...

but you know what I can't deny?

The fact that these very things I'm doubting are real...they make me happy.

And those moments, that seem soooo big they swallow me whole...they always pass.

Always!

When I feel so bad and so low for messing up, I remember how far I've come.

And how the light ALWAYS breaks through.

So perhaps, I'm not a failure...

I'm...just...growing!

Guys, I am anything BUT perfect. Yes, my thought process is very different from y'all with your non-broken brains. But it's also very similar. And I have some peace in this fact cause I know we are all children of God and as such it's ok for us to have similarities. And I know it's ok for me to like stuff other people do and to be influenced by them because that's how I grow. Repentance is not an event, it's a process (quote is not mine, it's President Nelson's)...a process of change.

Yeah, I know- change + my brain = does not compute.

Luckily, it works in God's brain- cause He's never-changing.

So ya know what I think?

Even thought I'm not perfect (*snort* I'm far from it), and even though my past still grabs onto me, trying to trip me up, and even though I have no idea what my unknown future looks like (and ya better believe me when I say that freaks me out)- I can trust in God. I can have faith in Him. I can like what I like as long as it harms no one else (and, umm, like, is in line with the commandments...no vulgar stuff here, guys). I can be free to be me. (*sings Francesca Battistelli song in head*) I can walk by faith and not by sight. He's got this. I've got this.

WE'VE got this. Together. As God's (freakin AWESOME) army.

*proud chibi noises*

yepperdoodles, that is all for tonight! Thank you for coming to my TED talk...or my blog post...ehehe. Even if I don't understand my thoughts a lot of the time, if y'all do I've won the jackpot.

luv u all to the moon and all the way back!!! go get some sleep if you're reading this at the time I'm writing this (it's 9:37 and I have seminary at 7:00 tomorrow *nervous sweating*) and, like, drink water and acTUALLY EAT YA FOOD yes sir the munchies are 100% allowed and ummm take care of yourself??? cause you deserve!!! every bit of it!!!

that's all ehehe God loves you infinitely and so do I (well, not infinitely since I am mortal for this time being...but I love you a ton, okiiii?)

oxoxo,

Emma <3

(PS i feel like i need a title? like, how ppl on tiktoks have titles? am i, like, your internet BFF? baby sister? what vibe do i give off? lol pls let me know ilysm)

reminders i 100% needed today

hi! so i definitely needed these reminders today...it’s kinda hard to describe how my day was, but let’s just say it was a little strange emotionally. i guess i didn’t listen to Myself and didn’t do the work i needed to do. BUT, with that being said, these reminders came in super handy. i wrote many of these in my journal (and some i added bc i think these reminders aren’t just for me- they’re for y’all, too 😁 )

-you DO NOT have to be perfect.

-God loves and cares about you no matter what.

-it’s totally okay to be learning.

-it’s also totally okay if other people/things make you really happy.

-it’s okay to begin again.

-it’s okay to begin again every day.

-it’s okay to take care of yourself.

-it’s okay to have emotions.

-it’s okay to still be learning how to be temperate.

-you are right where you need to be right now.

-God has big things in store for you.

-the work of God cannot be frustrated- only the works of men.

-you WILL be okay.

You are loved. You are beautiful. There are great things in store for you.

oxoxo,

blissfully yours,

emma💛

spiritual treasures (alternately titled, in the world but not of the world)

 hello hello hellooo! How is everybody's weekend going??? Mine is going wonderfully. I am much better now since (a) I've been eating today and (b) there's no seminary so I can sleep in😆

one of the counsellors in our ward's Young Women's presidency asked us to read/listen to a talk given by President Nelson in October of 2019. (ah...when life was simple.) It's entitled "Spiritual Treasures," and I just got done listening to it. I highly recommend you do the same. Even though I'm pretty sure it's from the women's session of general conference, I feel like everybody could learn something from it. After all, what the Lord says to one, He says to all.

so...with that being said, I wanna share my thoughts on the talk. President Nelson pulled a lot of his counsel to the women from section 25 of the Doctrine and Covenants, where the Lord gives counsel to Emma Smith (Joseph Smith's wife). The teachings in this section helped Emma (and can help us) draw the Lord's power into our lives.

One of the things that I wrote down that was said is to "lay aside the things of the world." Am I the only one who thinks extremely drastically when I hear that? "Okay, I've gotta give up everything I like so I can just focus on God's will for me."

Which is great and all, and is probably the ultimate goal, but, uhh...we're humans. We like ultimately worthless stuff. Like sports. And books. And cell phones. And wasting time. And a lot of other stuff that's just so much fun...how the heck are we supposed to lay those things aside??? What's the catch here?

The "catch" is that God knows we're not perfect. He knows that there's a lot of stuff we enjoy right now that won't matter later on in this life (or the next one). And He's okay with this! Because He knows the same thing I know: letting go of some things is how we grow. It's totally okay if you think one thing is super duper awesome and that you will never think otherwise...and then in five years you've forgotten about it completely. That's another one of the things that makes us human! We're forever changing.

Sooo, that's great- can we get back to the point, Emma? How are we supposed to lay aside the things of this world? You said you'd give us an answer...

I did, I did- hold your horses. As I've just clarified, laying aside the things of the world isn't quite so drastic as we can make it sound. It just means laying aside things that prevent us from reaching God's power and everlasting joy, no matter how small those things may be. We can do this by asking ourselves a series of questions:

"Is this bringing the Spirit into my life or driving it out?"

"Is there something better I could be doing other than this?"

"Is this helping me accomplish the work God has for me?"

"Does this bring me joy?"

Really, laying aside the things of this world just means constantly playing a game of "good, better, best" in our heads. This game is very simple to play because it has simple rules: we are here to be happy. We're also here to help God gather Israel. And we're here to keep the covenants He has put in place for us.

So, if you're wondering whether or not something in your life should get kicked to the curb, first ask yourself, "Does this make me happy- really happy?"

If it doesn't, that's a surefire sign it's got to go.

Another key thing to remember is that sometimes God's view of happiness can be much bigger than the world's view of happiness. Sometimes something can make us "happy," but it isn't quite in line with the commandments and covenants God has given us. So the next thing to ask yourself is, "Will this make me happy- really happy- in the long run? Will this help me keep my covenants? Is doing this helping me keep the commandments?"

If the answer is no to any of those, kick it to the curb. Even if it makes you "happy," I can promise you that the longtime joy you will get by not letting that worldly thing into your life will far surpass any short-term "happiness."

I know- I really do know!- that by playing this game of "good, better, best," we make ourselves truly happy. And when we're happy, we're in a better place to do the work God has prepared for us. It's a win-win all around!

Thanks for taking the time to listen to my thoughts! Have a lovely weekend! (Or week, or whenever you happen to read this😆)

oxoxo,

blissfully yours,

Emma (Greenstreet, not Smith)💚🌱

so like you know when life just plain sucks

 hi! guess what? my emotions still pertain to my overall state!

lololol

i find that it's more difficult for me to process emotions when i'm tired. when i'm tired, it's easier for me to get muddled. to lose my sense of Truth. i get lonely. i get irritable. i get annoyed. i get sad. i get lost.

my problems seem so, so big. so huge they swallow me whole.

but guess what? i cannot deny Truth.

the muddled thoughts that are blocking my vision right now? i just clarified that they're only there because i'm tired. they are not my whole world. they are not Me. i am me, and my thoughts are my visitors. (this philosophy is so important to me i have it posted as an affirmation on my wall 😊)

and here's what i know about life: it gets better. no matter what i say to myself, there are (and still will be) moments when i fulfill my life's purpose of being truly happy.

i believe in sunny summer mornings. i believe in early-morning runs. i believe in sweet dew stuck to green blades of grass. i believe in cool sunrises and vibrant sunsets. i believe in waking up in the middle of the night to hearing soft rain on the roof and feeling cozy and going back to sleep. i believe in sleeping in late. i believe in trying on new clothes. i believe in sparkly crystals in stores and then on nightside tables. i believe in warm-smelling candles burning and melted wax stuck to dressers. i believe in baking something warm like muffins or cookies in a cozy kitchen. i believe in cottages in the woods, whether seen in pictures or in person. i believe in outdoor adventures. i believe in family relationships being strengthened. i believe in a good story. i believe in magic. i believe in friends. i believe in long hugs that you never want to let go of. i believe in laughing so hard you get a bellyache. i believe in smiling at the littlest things. i believe in crying because you feel the Spirit in church. i believe in love. i believe in laughter.

even in the hardest moments, i believe in Life.

blissfully yours,

emma💚

sunday thoughts

 Hello! It's been a while since I've posted, hasn't it? I apologize for that- life happens sometimes, and then sometimes I get in my own way and keep my thoughts to myself. *Buddy the Elf voice* BUT I'M HERE NOW! And guess what? I love you. I love you. I LOOOOVE YOUUUUUU!!!

*ahem.* With that being said, I have some thoughts I'd like to share with you this Sunday. There will probably be a lot, so...I hope you enjoy.😅😁(I LEARNED HOW TO USE EMOJIS AREN'T YOU PROUD OF ME??? ok fine moving on)

Lessons from Fasting

I've been coming to learn that my overall state is determined by the balance of my mind, body, heart, and spirit. If I'm not doing the greatest physically, that usually affects my mood, which affects my thoughts, which push any encouragement from my spirit down out of my reach. It's a whole downward spiral that's pretty easy for me to fall into. Luckily, it's becoming just as easy to make the connection of what exactly throws me off-balance. For example, if I'm feeling just plain cranky- like, I hate everything, I'm crabby to everyone, and I'm just mad at/don't like myself- it's usually because I'm hungry and need to eat. (Yes, parents, I am now confirming that I get extremely cranky when I'm hangry...no shame here right...)

As such, I began to realize why fast Sundays are so...difficult...for me. If being hungry makes me cranky, you can see why fast Sundays are days when I'm usually crankier than usual. But I know for a fact that out of the four parts of my being, my spirit is the strongest. And I know that my spirit can and will overpower any feelings of hunger from the physical side of me, feelings of crankiness from the emotional side of me, and self-degrading thoughts from the mental side of me. In the words of a revelation I received while praying about this very subject, "my spirit cannot be deterred."

Okay, cool, what's that supposed to mean? To me, it means that fasting is an essential part of keeping myself in balance. Fasting is when I feel my spirit. And this makes sense, doesn't it? When I'm denying myself of what I THINK is essential for my survival, I'm letting the strongest part of me (my spirit) take over, and proving that I'm not subject to any physical discomfort, any mood swing, or any negative thought. As a spiritual being, I am built to conquer.

But a key thing to remember about the law of the fast is I'm not just denying myself of food or water (or anything else I could be fasting from). Fasting without prayer is just starving yourself. Read that again. Fasting is not meant to be a law we just abide by because we have to, and to do that we confine ourselves to an extremely hungry existence for two meals and then we just move on with our lives. No! Fasting is meant to be an experience where we really strengthen our faith with the Being who gives our spirits their incredible strength- our Heavenly Father! Think about this- if prayer can move mountains, and fasting is meant to be an experience where we devote ourselves to prayer and letting our spirits become stronger...can't you see why in the scriptures (and in life today!) fasting and prayer are so often paired together? We're stronger when we do both of them. It's a wonderful (and essential!) way to let God prevail.

Gathering Israel

With that last note on letting God prevail, I'd like to move to thoughts I've been having lately about the gathering of Israel. I'm studying the Doctrine & Covenants this year in my personal scripture study (and in seminary, and with my family- go Come, Follow Me!) and it blows me away on how often the gathering of Israel is mentioned. Missionary work, repentance, and growth as God's church and covenant people is a constant theme.

And it's been getting me really excited to think about how the Doctrine & Covenants were written almost 200 years ago. The gathering of Israel is not longer just some awesome thing that's being prophesied- it's happening right now! Jesus Christ is preparing the world for His second coming right now!

I don't know about you guys, but at first when I thought about this, I'd feel anxious and more than a little overwhelmed. "But, Jesus, I'm not ready for You to come yet! I have other plans! And I don't think I'm fully ready to gather Israel the way You want everyone else to! What should I do?"

Of course, by the last part, you can tell that I decided to take my questions to the Lord, since He's the source of all wisdom- surely He could help me out, right?

Guess what? He did. And now I'm more excited about the gathering of Israel than nervous- here's my reasons why.

First, none of us really have any idea how the future's gonna play out- but Jesus does. And He also knows us personally, better than we'll ever know ourselves. And for me, Jesus has never steered me wrong. So I feel comfortable saying that if I trust in Him, He will lead me to the right place. He knows my fears, and He knows what I care about- He hasn't taken me down a wrong path yet, and He never will.

With that in the back of my mind to comfort me, I can now comfortably do as God wants me to without needing to get caught up in the worries of the future. I can now help Him gather Israel. Awesome!...how do I do that?

I posted something on my Instagram recently that says that I believe that we are here to be happy, and our work is to help others feel the same way. Jesus is the source of all joy, so to accomplish both those things, running to Him is probably the best idea. And this is very true- the Prophet has actually counseled us to gather Israel in almost this exact way! President Nelson said, "Anytime you do anything that helps anyone- on either side of the veil- take a step toward making covenants with God and receiving their essential baptismal and temple ordinances, you are helping to gather Israel. It is as simple as that!"

Okay, I don't know if your thoughts were like mine after thinking about this, but maybe you thought, "Umm, okay, well, I'm not really helping any of my friends get anywhere close to being baptized...and I'm not really finding family history names that need ordinances done...guess I'm not helping gather Israel..."

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't be like me and bring yourself down just because you can't see the bigger picture! The prophet isn't saying, "Okay, go and baptize a bunch of people and that's gathering Israel, and if you can't do that, you failed." Does that sound like something President Nelson (or even God) would say? No! What they're saying is that at least getting someone to feel God's love is enough. Baptism stems from a desire to be baptized, and that desire stems from having a deep faith in Jesus Christ, and having faith in Jesus Christ stems from just feeling His spirit in the first place! So gathering Israel really is simple- all you have to do it be YOU. Be yourself! Share your beliefs. Be kind to people. Strengthen your own faith. Keep the commandments. Develop your talents. Just be a good example. People will notice your actions, I promise they will. And that will set off a spark that will draw them into the fold- gather them into Israel.

Above all, don't be afraid to work. Mortal life is gonna be hard sometimes- sometimes it's hard A LOT of the time! But God's got a plan for us. Our spirits cannot and will not be deterred. God's work cannot be frustrated- only our own. (See D&C 3:3.) He will prevail and we. will. Rise!

thanks for bearing with me and my many many many thoughts...I suppose that's why I was prompted to get a blog, right? lololol

hope you all have a FANTASTIC Sunday!!! much love!

oxoxo,

blissfully yours,

Emma💛✨🍯