my preferred social media (and me being open)

 Hi everyone!

Some of you may see this, some of you may not. I don’t know how many of you keep up with my blog specifically, or who just keep up with my Instagram and then check my blog when I say I’ve posted. Well, whoever you are and however you got here, welcome! Thank you for taking the time to listen to my thoughts. It really means a lot to me.

I guess I’ll go right ahead and answer the question myself: why aren’t I on Instagram?

You might not have been asking this. You might not care. But I feel this intense pull to take control of my life. And, like, I won’t be sharing every-little-detail on here, ‘cause if I did that would require you all to be able to look into my head and last time I checked, no one has that ability. (Unless you’re secretly a Telepath...wink wink fandom reference….😉) But I’ll tell you about this bit. (And then I’ll try to get better at posting, ‘cause I really wanna keep y’all up to date on my extremely boring life!)

Instagram and I, see, we have an...interesting relationship. A part of my personality that I’m just now realizing is that I am imprinted on very easily. (No, not like in Twilight, fellow book nerds.) Meaning, it’s easy for things to influence me. I copy behaviors of those I think receive more attention in an attempt to receive that attention. I act the way the people I surround myself with act. Sometimes this influence is something I am conscious about. A lot of times, it isn’t. So, if I’m not careful, I’ll say and do things I never meant to say. Things that aren’t me.

And quite honestly, I’ve done this a lot. This part of me has helped create a lot of the trials in my teenage life, from tween-dom to now, when I’m almost a sophomore in high school. (GAAAHH THAT’S WEIRD TO SAY...and it’s not even that far away! School starts next week!!!😵 #sendhelp)

This part of me is the reason so many of my internal demons stayed buried.

It’s a weakness that was never brought up when I broke down my walls, because I was never fully aware of it until now.

Hi. Ya still with me? I know I’m ranting a lot...oh! You’re still here! Good! Okay.

So, Instagram. My, my, my, what a platform. So much good has come into my life because of it. I’ve learned about people whose legacies have deeply impacted me- and I would have never known about their stories had I not followed them on Instagram. There are some creators whose stories have given me so much joy, and whose art has inspired me so much. Just finding a simple quote online has the power to completely lift me up.

So, what’s the con here, you ask?

I’m influenced easily, like I said. And Instagram, for me, creates this false sense of reality. It shows me only the good things about people’s lives- all the ways I’m not enough. It makes me feel like my life isn’t valid because it doesn’t fit the mold that social media has created. I begin to live in this haze, where nothing is enough. My mind is always on what could be. What I could be wearing. What my bedroom could look like. How fit and muscular I could be. Places I could travel. People I could meet- if I was good enough for them, of course. The list goes on and on and on.

And this damages my spirit. And it prevents me from truly living my life.

But wait, there’s more!

Not only that, but the internet can expose me to things I don’t want to see. There are some things that just affect my spirit in negative ways. And it’s not like I’m trying to find those things! But I know that once I’m there, the floodgates open for all of Satan’s temptations. As much goodness as there is online, it’s also one of Satan’s favorite playgrounds.

Now, now, I’m not saying you’re bad for using social media! I just clarified that so much goodness has come into my life from it. I’m just sharing my trials with you all, because I think that’s how we learn. Perhaps there’s someone out there who’s going through something similar to what I’m going through, and you can feel comfort in knowing that: I get it! It’s hard to be yourself in a world that’s trying to squeeze you into a mold that’s just anything but you. But let me tell you, dear reader, it’s gonna be okay. In those moments where you really feel like you- and if you’ve had those moments, cling to them, and if you haven’t, they will come soon- that’s where your power shines. It’s all worth it, love, it’s all worth it.

And if you’re not going through something like this, thank you for listening anyway. I feel such support when people listen to me, even when their lives are entirely different from mine. That’s an attribute I’m still working on, but gol-ly it’s a good one. It’s how Jesus lived His life, you know. So thank you for listening.

I’m a bit nervous even as I type this, because I’m worried I’m “not doing it right.” How many of you will really see this? Does it matter? Am I typing it right?

And then I take a deep breath. And remember this:

God sees everything I do. He’s happy with each step I take. He’s ready and anxious for me to grow- and show up on the page.

So. Here I am.😊

oxoxo,

blissfully yours,

-emma

life updates + encouragement

 Remember when I got a blog and never posted anything on it for months and months? Hahaha…😅

I’ve had a lot on my mind recently. If you follow me on Instagram, or if you know me personally, you can probably guess a lot of the reasons why.

And the physical things are to blame for a lot of it, I guess. My summer was more packed than all my summers have ever been. I went to two girls camps for two different stakes, and two youth conferences for two different stakes (and I helped plan one of those youth conferences!). Oh, and I moved back to my hometown of Chesapeake, Virginia, and settled into a new house and a new ward. We’re still working on getting all our stuff out of boxes, but hey, it’s something.

So, yeah, there’s all that going on. But I’ve had a lot of other thoughts I feel like I should share with you.

Really, there’s just been this pull within me to...do something. Kinda ironic, considering that while I do adore being busy, I’m kind of naturally a lazy person. No shame in that. (Okay, so there’s some shame.) I’d very gladly take staying home curled up on my bed with a good book, access to Pinterest (my extremely guilty pleasure), a water bottle and maybe some kind of snack like cookies and chips over, say, a night at the movies. Or an amusement park. Or just going out and doing something big in general.

Because that is how I naturally am. And you might think that’s funny, considering I tend to be really upbeat and confident in social settings. Because surprise! I love being with the people I love. I love learning new things. I love being so busy that I don’t have time to be lazy. Throwing myself into hard work feels awesome, especially when I can reap the rewards of that hard work (even if they aren’t instantaneous).

But in both of these, I have two different extremes. The first is the tendency to be more lazy, to lie around and take the easy route rather than work. This side of me is subject to the things that will make her happy in the moment, but in the long run provide no satisfaction.

The other side of me is the exact opposite. She’s a perfectionist in every sense of the word. She has to be doing all the things, all the time, or else she’s a failure. She’s always stressed and never content with the little things she gets done. She’s never good enough.

So, with these two sides at war, it’s easy to see why I get stuck. Because while I’m lying on my bed eating chips, inside I want to be writing an award-winning novel. To be smart enough to get a college degree at fifteen. To be doing anything other than being a slug.

But the war inside of me is too exhausting. So I remain. Meanwhile, we’ve mysteriously run out of chips.

Okay, so I’m not typing this up to give myself an excuse. Absolutely not. Rather, I want to give a voice to my struggles. Because I know I’m not alone. Your struggles might look like mine, or they might look entirely different. But either way, they are valid. We all have a war raging within us. And each side has a different vice they’re fighting for. A vice that is so personal to us, it could very easily tear us down. And the dark armies would win.

But fear not! For we have a secret weapon that even the craftiest generals don’t know about.

These armies are based within us, so to discover their motives, we must simply delve into our weaknesses. Our carnal tendencies. These are with us because we are a fallen people. Overcoming these weaknesses is one of the highest requirements for us to become the Divine people we are meant to be.

Of course, that means Satan’s gonna use those weaknesses to find where to target us, trying to bring us down. That’s his whole purpose for existing, after all. But he doesn’t know that in doing that, he gives us yet another advantage.

All of Satan’s lies were once based in truth.

Have you ever heard the phrase “too much of a good thing”? Well, it’s especially true for me. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of yourself or taking a break if you need it, but since I’m more prone to want more “me-time” than I need, Satan’s of course going to use those temptations to try and keep me from accomplishing my goals.

And there’s nothing wrong with being ambitious or desiring to be better, but since I’m self-conscious and a perfectionist, Satan’s of course going to use that to discourage me and draw my focus away from the Savior and my goals.

That leads perfectly into another thing! The point behind all my rambling.

Because while it’s very true that these are my weaknesses, and that Satan does in fact use them to tempt me, I have a power that I haven’t touched on yet. And guess what? You have this power too! We all do.

We are children of something divine.

We are conduits for Light.

By Light, I mean the Spirit. It’s His influence that gives us the power of focus.

When we’re focused on why we really set goals- to take a step closer to becoming better, to becoming more like Christ- we can have a better perspective. The little worldly things that we tend to become so focused on (especially as teenagers, oh my word) start to look so...small!

And I desperately need this light in my life. Because- I love my friends, okay? I love life. I love being a teenager and all the opportunities opening up to me in my youth. But it’s at this stage that I start to feel so much pressure. To always be there for my friends and family. To attend every event. To excel at every subject. To respond to that text, because heaven forbid I accidentally leave that person on read- not because I don’t care, but because I had something I was working on-

I don’t want to miss out.

And when you focus on the tiny things in this world…

Like Pinterest feeds, and every little text, and every single little thought or fantasy…

You wonder how you’ll ever get anything done.

Or if anything you’re doing is worth it.

It’s worth it.

Life is more than the little things.

And the big things you’re “missing out” on!

Life's an adventure. A roller-coaster.

And it doesn’t end here.

I promise you (and myself, ‘cause I need to hear this too), your work is not in vain.

It gets better.

It doesn’t just revolve around you.

There’s people out there who love you. Who are their own people. And they’re going to grow and evolve and maybe move on.

But that is all someday.

For now, hold them close.

Let them ride on their own seat in the roller coaster.

And trust yourself. ‘Cause it’s only you, and no one else, who can pave your own way.

God has a plan for you from the very start onward, but it’s up to you to take the first step.

Don’t wait for the “right time”. Start now!

You’ll win the war. I promise.

But it starts with the first step.

-Emma

a message for all daughters of God this mother’s day

 Happy mother’s day!

On this very special day, I wish to share a few core beliefs that I hope will come across as a very special message just for you.

First: I believe we have a Heavenly Mother.

Think about it: why wouldn’t we? The Family: A Proclamation to the World clearly states that a family with a mother and father is ordained of God. If that is so, don’t you think that in our heavenly family there would be a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother?

Where else would we, as women, get our motherly and nurturing traits from than our Heavenly Mother?

This leads to another core belief I have: I believe every woman on this earth carries divine traits that allows us to live up to our full potential as mothers.

“Uhm, Emma,” you say, raising your hand to interrupt me. “I can’t think of any of these motherly attributes you say I have. And even if I do have some, I don’t think I can see myself as a mother someday. You must be mistaken. I’m just not the way you think I am.”

Okay, so I can’t exactly describe how your personality works. And I can’t look forward in time to see how your future will play out. Maybe you will get to be a mother in this life, maybe you won’t. But all of that will never- never!- change the fact that you are a beloved daughter of heavenly parents, with a divine nature and eternal destiny. (See the new Young Women’s theme.) No matter how you see yourself, your Heavenly Father and Mother see you as Their beloved daughter. You were created in Their image. Your spirit was specifically designed to carry traces of Heaven within it. You, as you are, carry traces of Heaven with you.

It shines through in your eyes. Its music can be heard in your laugh. Its touch can be felt in your hugs.

The biggest evidence of Heaven in you is your divine gift to create. Whether you choose to have children or not, you as a woman are literally designed to carry and birth children. Your body is literally built for creating your child’s mortal vessel for its spirit, and then to raise that offspring as your own. In every way you move, Charity, the pure love of Christ, shines through. You are a tabernacle of love. You are God’s masterpiece. You are Charity embodied.

And with that said, I wish to conclude this letter with a note to the mamas who have changed my life.

First, to my own mama- for creating me, birthing me, guiding me through my youngest days, leading me through my darker days, and for continuing to walk beside me. Mom, your love inspires me more than I can say. I cannot even comprehend how much love you carry within you- for your children, for your husband, and for anyone who crosses your path. You are Christlike love embodied. And you are my superhero.

To my grandmothers- can I just say how freakin awesome you are? Like, who in this world deserves grandmas as amazing as you? (I certainly don’t, but God decided we needed each other, so here we are.) Your faith blows my mind. It was you who taught my mother and my father how to love God and the Gospel- and without that, I actually wouldn’t be here, so that’s saying something. Thank you for listening to me, for spoiling me with gifts on the holidays (my love language is gifts, so this means a lot a lot), and for giving me really awesome hugs. There’s not a bank safe big enough for me to create a proper Hug Storage vault that you guys deserve, so I suppose this note will have to suffice. <3

To my aunts- you guys are epic. You not only made epic siblings (or siblings-in-law) for my parents (hopefully they weren’t too big of jerks to you guys...yes parents I know you’re reading this…), but you also raised my cousins. Who are, like, some of the best friends I ever got. And they turned out pretty okay, I guess. (Just kidding, cousins…) You are amazing role models as women for me. I love your stories, your faith, and the light you bring every time I see you. Thanks for being awesome!!!

To my friend’s moms- where do I begin? I guess you guys deserve a place in the “honorary aunt” category as well, since you’ve seen so much of me as I’ve grown up. I’m proud to say I feel like you raised me as well as my biological family- AND you made my best friends. They’re epic. And a little crazy, but you probably already know that. Thank you for being such amazing mamas, and inspiring me, a girl who will someday also be a mama herself. Love you!

Lastly, but most CERTAINLY not least- to my Heavenly Mother. Mother, I hope you enjoy this offering from your daughter. I am trying my best to be faithful, and to keep the commandments, and it’s Your love and Heavenly Father’s love that pulls me through every time. I can’t even wrap my mind around You sending Your perfect son- my Older Brother- to die for me so I can be saved. My heart aches for every mama who has lost a child- I can’t imagine how You felt. I’m trying my best to cultivate charity in my life, so perhaps someday I can be just like You. Thank you, Heavenly Mother, for everything.

That’s all! Have a lovely Sabbath.

oxoxo,

blissfully yours,

Emma

a letter to myself, both in present and in moments passed

 To my loving angel,

I see you curled up on your bed, crying. I see you screaming inwardly at yourself, wondering why these tears are coming. You can’t see how tired you really are, babygirl. You can’t see how much good you’ve already done.

I hear your broken words asking where your Heavenly Father is. I see your face scrunch up and watch as you cover your eyes with your palms, shaking with quiet sobs. Oh, dear one. Can’t you see He hears your prayers? Can’t you feel Him beside you, cradling you, letting you cry?

I can feel the confusion in your young mind as you struggle to understand a dilemma knotted up inside you. And I can see you now, having understood it just by remaining in that moment- a moment you thought would tear your soul in two! Don’t you see, love, that learning takes time? That your Father would have never sent you here if He didn’t want you to learn the fullness of His gospel?

I see you approaching the present moment, and can feel the light in your mind as you realize the truth. That Heavenly Father never left you. No, He was always there. He was answering your prayer by letting you figure it out. He knew the only way for you to derive true strength was for you to keep going. He knows the light always breaks through just after the darkest moments.

And here you are now. You know the answers. You know how you feel about the gospel and the standards. You know that it’s okay for you to have these feelings- and if you didn’t, now you do. It’s okay to feel this way. You’re human. It’s experiences like this that help you grow. I have you in my arms, and we’re going to keep going. We know we’re blessed to be alive in each moment. We know God is holding us.

Every beat of the music matters. We will dance.

I love you, babygirl.

oxoxo,

blissfully yours,

Emma

some thoughts + some updates

 Hey, everyone! I felt like I should hop on here and give you guys an update- mostly because my mindset says that if I’m not posting about my life events, it didn’t happen 😅. But I’m chill with these thoughts, you know why? Because they don’t define me. My life is defined by who I become, not what Instagram sees of me. Remember that, ‘cause it’s important.

Anywho, on the vein of updates:

Two weeks ago (? right?) I traveled to Florida with my brother, my aunt and uncle, and my cousins for spring break. It was lovely to see my extended family in person, and getting to be out on vacation was very relaxing. (I still miss you guys!!! 😢)

While on vacation, I realized something. I’m happiest when I’m free. I feel like I often tie myself down by so many things- the order I do things in a day, my schoolwork, how much time I spend on my phone, what I post on Instagram, and so many others.

But would God send me here just to watch me tie myself down? No. Because His home is in the heavens- and to get back to him, I must learn to fly. But you can’t fly if you’ve got chains attaching you to the ground, can you? No. Fortunately, God is the keeper of the keys I need to unlock the latches on those chains and set myself free. And for me, finding freedom is very simple.

First, I cannot define myself by what I do or what others see me do. Like I said earlier, I’m defined by who I am and who I become. Who do I want to be? For me personally, I want to be a good disciple of Jesus Christ. That’s it! That’s very simple to me. And I think that relieves me of worrying about all those mortal things that tie me down- I don’t need to worry about them; I just need to worry about being an obedient disciple. Once you put that into perspective, everything else falls into place.

Secondly, I think I need to remember the three things that always help me stay on the covenant path: Faith, Hope, and Charity. It always comes back to those three. The talks in Sacrament today primarily focused on hope (random comment: my mom was one of the speakers!!! And her talk was really awesome!!! Go, mama!!!), and something I learned about hope that struck me is this: the way the world defines hope and the way Christ defines hope are two different things. The way the world defines hope is more of an uncertain thing- like, “I hope we win the game,” or, “I hope I can be better,” or, “I hope it doesn’t rain.” The way Christ defines hope is more of a peaceful feeling even in the middle of imperfection and uncertainty. While the world says, “I hope I can be better someday,” Christ says, “You’re imperfect now, but you can still have hope in Me.” Do you recognize that feeling of hope now that you think about it? It’s like this warm feeling of peace you get, even when the world is freaking out ‘cause everything’s falling apart. It’s a hope that’s more fulfilling than anything the world could ever offer you. That’s the power of the Atonement. That’s what happens when you run to Jesus.

And, don’t worry, Faith and Charity fit in here too! Watch how they play off of each other. For me, once I’ve prayed to God and received that feeling of hope, I feel motivated to exercise my faith. And, more often than not, how can I exercise that faith? By striving to show charity- the pure love of Christ- to myself and my fellow man! They all fit together, see? That’s why they’re so important. They aren’t repeated multiple times in the scriptures for no reason.

I hope if I’ve taught you anything from my thoughts here, it’s this: even if life gets messy and imperfect, if we run to Jesus and lay our burdens on Him, He will reveal a simple way (well, simple in terms of words, it may be a little tricky to actually do it😉) for us to find light. His way will always always always be the best way. We might not see it at times, but if we follow Him, we will be made stronger. I promise.

Aaannnd that’s all from me! Hope you’re having a BEAUTIFUL Sabbath! God bless you all :)

oxoxo,

blissfully yours,

Emma💛🌻🍯

some thoughts about service and self-care

 happy Sunday, friends!

today in sacrament meeting the talks were aimed towards service. This got me thinking a lot, most of my thinking happening during sacrament meeting and after the (surprising) nap that happened afterwards (daylight savings, amiright???). And so now I have some thoughts to share with y'all.

I think the Lord's idea of self-care is different from the world's idea of self-care.

(Yes, this thought stemmed from me thinking about service- hear me out, oki?)

I think the Lord sees a strength and potential in us that we do not see in ourselves. And He recognizes that for us to get stronger and for us to meet the potential He sees in us, it's not gonna feel great all the time. When you get done with a really tough workout, how do you feel for the rest of the day? (And the next day...and maybe even the next?) Answer: really sore! Your muscles aren't used to doing this much work, and so they start to feel uncomfortable- maybe even hurt a bit.

But when this happens, how do you react? Do you say, "Oh no, I hurt too much- I must be injured. Guess I'm never working out again."

Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. I myself would keep going, because I'm pretty sure I know the difference between soreness and a legitimate injury. (emphasis on pretty sure.) But do you see my point? When you start to get physically uncomfortable and sore, you don't give up, you keep going. 'Cause you know that's how you get stronger.

And the exact same thing applies to us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We can feel mentally sore if we're learning something new we just don't understand. Or if we suddenly move to a new location and have to adjust to a new environment. Maybe you can feel emotionally sore if you move, too- your heart hurts because you miss your friends. Or maybe you're worried about making new friends. Or maybe you don't have friends, but there's that one person who just seems to hate you...which can also affect you emotionally. And (still on board with the "moving" thing) we can feel spiritually sore, too- it's hard to trust in God when life just plain sucks! (Trust me, I know.)

And there's sooo many other challenges life will throw at us- both bigger than moving and smaller. It would be very easy to give up. After all, we don't have the same perspective God does- to us, this is all we know, and it sucks, we should just give up. We hurt too much, we must be doing something wrong.

But that's not all God has prepared for us, friends.

If we were sore physically, we'd keep working out (or, that's the plan- hey, life happens) because that's how we get stronger. If we were mentally sore from, say, learning to do something new- we'd strive to keep learning it and get better, 'cause that's how we get stronger. If we were emotionally sore from trying to be kinder to our siblings- we'd keep trying to be kind to them, 'cause that's how we get stronger (and how we make our parents reeeeaaally happy- hi mom and dad😁). If we were spiritually sore from our faith being weaker- we'd strive to strengthen it, 'cause that's how we get stronger.

The world would have you believe that it's necessary to take a step back every time things get painful, but that's just not true. Sometimes we have to endure pain to get ourselves to an even better place.

But please understand friends- I am not saying that means we need to neglect ourselves in the name of getting stronger. Like I said, there's a difference between being sore and being seriously injured. If you were physically injured or ill, working out would actually make your condition worse. You'd need to rest and give your body time to heal. The same is true for your mind, heart, and spirit. If you're mentally hurt or ill, you need to get help and give your mind the rest it needs. If you're emotionally hurt, you need to let those emotions out in a healthy way and let your heart heal as it will. If you're spiritually struggling, you need to get help- both from your Father in Heaven and someone on Earth you trust- and help your spirit heal.

There is a balance between when we need legitimate help and when we are just getting stronger- and most of the time, it's pretty easy to tell the difference. You can tell the difference between a sore arm and a broken arm. But I think when it comes to mental or emotional injuries, those like to hide under the surface. We can't tell if we're hurt or not. But there's someone I know who knows you exactly, and knows how you need to take care of yourself.

Ask Jesus, friends. He will help you. I promise.

That's all! Have a lovely Sunday!

oxoxo,

blissfully yours,

Emma💛

some encouragement for you

 edit: this blog post is actually from yesterday. I thought I posted it but apparently??? I didn't??? anyhoo enjoy:

so fun fact about me: I get really tired (physically and emotionally) when I'm around people for an extended period of time. How long it takes for me to get this way depends on (a) my mood (b) how long you intend on keeping me around people and (c) my circumstances/if things are changing quickly.

fellow introverts ya feel me???

Okay, but maybe you're not an introvert. If you're not, I'll attempt to emphasize with you, but I really don't understand how y'all can just people people people and STILL feel as energetic as a shaken can of Coke by the end of the day. No offense. Perhaps not being around people a lot gets you really tired? Maybe that's it? For me it's the exact opposite. But sometimes it randomly switches. And if it does, you'd better do something with me quick, because my extroverted moods are very precious and deserve to be cherished. (my family can testify to this.)

but no matter what gets us tired, we all know the feeling of lying on our beds and just feeling drained. The silence is too much, but no music will suit our tastes. Is there anything that would feel good for us mentally right now? Well, yes, there is that one thing...but to do that we'd have to do this thing first...and to do that we'd have to get up...no, no. It's too much. *pulls blankets up over head and contemplates crying*

*or maybe actually cries*

In moments like this...it's very easy to get mad at ourselves. Why is it so difficult for us to get up? Why are we like this?

And in the same vein, it's very easy for us to get confused with ourselves once we do get up. Why did it take us so long? Why are we suddenly somewhat okay?

Because, like it or not, healing takes time. There is absolutely no reason to get mad at yourself when you just need to lie in a heap feeling all of your emotions and just feeling too drained to get up. And then again, there is also no reason for you to push down feelings of getting mad! Because your feelings are valid, dear one. There's literally nothing wrong with feeling sad. Or drained. Or mad. And there's nothing wrong with taking a little while to get up and start taking care of yourself. Whatever happens happens. You're doing your very best. You're still learning. And that's okay! It's not one event, it's a process, that makes up the learning of our lives.

Let yourself be as you are. You are valid. You are safe. You are loved.

You can rest. You can rest. You can rest.

(now repeat that to yourself until you really believe it.)

oxoxo,

blissfully yours,

Emma <3