It would be easy to not do it.
Step out of my comfort zone, I mean.
It would be easy to refuse to be friends with people who are different from me. (And, let’s face it, that’s pretty much everyone.) It would be easy to push them all off completely.
But that’s not what God’s asked me to do.
He’s asked me to love them. Be their friend. Step outside of my comfort zone.
But then I have to be the perfect friend, right?
That’s what I thought. Everything seemed to point to that being true. And so I felt stuck. Inadequate. Anxious. A failure.
I couldn’t figure it out. God wanted so much of me- so where did His love fit in?
How did I know that my efforts were enough?
I thought long and hard about it, and took more than a few laps around our block on my scooter. And I thought of a talk given in sacrament meeting today.
The speaker had spoken of a study where women were asked to tell a picture of their younger selves that they were ugly. Stupid. Not good enough. All the things they freely told themselves, as adults. Many couldn’t do it.
I felt prompted to try it. So I stopped. And I imagined little five-year-old Emma standing in front of me. And I tried to tell her what I’d been telling myself.
“You’re a bad friend.”
“You’re not good enough.”
“You’re a failure.”
None of it felt right against her sweet little face.
“I can’t do it,” I thought.
“Why not?” I felt the Spirit ask me.
“Because,” I said. “She doesn’t deserve it. She’s just trying her best.”
“So why are you speaking that way to yourself?”
Whoa. Okay. That hit home.
Why was I speaking that way to myself?
Had I lost my worthiness of love in the 11 years between 5 and almost 16? Had I lost my Savior’s grace? Had I lost my ability to grow?
No. The answer is no to all of those.
I don’t deserve it. I’m just trying my best!
And while some part of me wants to argue that the Savior still requires a set level of righteousness, I know that there’s one thing He doesn’t require: perfection. He just wants me to try.
So, I don’t need to be the perfect friend, as long as I’m being the best friend Emma Kathryn Greenstreet can be. And ya know what? That’s not perfect.
Ya know what else? That’s okay.
Because all God wants is me.
So. Here I am.
oxoxo,
blissfully yours,
Emma
