my preferred social media (and me being open)

 Hi everyone!

Some of you may see this, some of you may not. I don’t know how many of you keep up with my blog specifically, or who just keep up with my Instagram and then check my blog when I say I’ve posted. Well, whoever you are and however you got here, welcome! Thank you for taking the time to listen to my thoughts. It really means a lot to me.

I guess I’ll go right ahead and answer the question myself: why aren’t I on Instagram?

You might not have been asking this. You might not care. But I feel this intense pull to take control of my life. And, like, I won’t be sharing every-little-detail on here, ‘cause if I did that would require you all to be able to look into my head and last time I checked, no one has that ability. (Unless you’re secretly a Telepath...wink wink fandom reference….😉) But I’ll tell you about this bit. (And then I’ll try to get better at posting, ‘cause I really wanna keep y’all up to date on my extremely boring life!)

Instagram and I, see, we have an...interesting relationship. A part of my personality that I’m just now realizing is that I am imprinted on very easily. (No, not like in Twilight, fellow book nerds.) Meaning, it’s easy for things to influence me. I copy behaviors of those I think receive more attention in an attempt to receive that attention. I act the way the people I surround myself with act. Sometimes this influence is something I am conscious about. A lot of times, it isn’t. So, if I’m not careful, I’ll say and do things I never meant to say. Things that aren’t me.

And quite honestly, I’ve done this a lot. This part of me has helped create a lot of the trials in my teenage life, from tween-dom to now, when I’m almost a sophomore in high school. (GAAAHH THAT’S WEIRD TO SAY...and it’s not even that far away! School starts next week!!!😵 #sendhelp)

This part of me is the reason so many of my internal demons stayed buried.

It’s a weakness that was never brought up when I broke down my walls, because I was never fully aware of it until now.

Hi. Ya still with me? I know I’m ranting a lot...oh! You’re still here! Good! Okay.

So, Instagram. My, my, my, what a platform. So much good has come into my life because of it. I’ve learned about people whose legacies have deeply impacted me- and I would have never known about their stories had I not followed them on Instagram. There are some creators whose stories have given me so much joy, and whose art has inspired me so much. Just finding a simple quote online has the power to completely lift me up.

So, what’s the con here, you ask?

I’m influenced easily, like I said. And Instagram, for me, creates this false sense of reality. It shows me only the good things about people’s lives- all the ways I’m not enough. It makes me feel like my life isn’t valid because it doesn’t fit the mold that social media has created. I begin to live in this haze, where nothing is enough. My mind is always on what could be. What I could be wearing. What my bedroom could look like. How fit and muscular I could be. Places I could travel. People I could meet- if I was good enough for them, of course. The list goes on and on and on.

And this damages my spirit. And it prevents me from truly living my life.

But wait, there’s more!

Not only that, but the internet can expose me to things I don’t want to see. There are some things that just affect my spirit in negative ways. And it’s not like I’m trying to find those things! But I know that once I’m there, the floodgates open for all of Satan’s temptations. As much goodness as there is online, it’s also one of Satan’s favorite playgrounds.

Now, now, I’m not saying you’re bad for using social media! I just clarified that so much goodness has come into my life from it. I’m just sharing my trials with you all, because I think that’s how we learn. Perhaps there’s someone out there who’s going through something similar to what I’m going through, and you can feel comfort in knowing that: I get it! It’s hard to be yourself in a world that’s trying to squeeze you into a mold that’s just anything but you. But let me tell you, dear reader, it’s gonna be okay. In those moments where you really feel like you- and if you’ve had those moments, cling to them, and if you haven’t, they will come soon- that’s where your power shines. It’s all worth it, love, it’s all worth it.

And if you’re not going through something like this, thank you for listening anyway. I feel such support when people listen to me, even when their lives are entirely different from mine. That’s an attribute I’m still working on, but gol-ly it’s a good one. It’s how Jesus lived His life, you know. So thank you for listening.

I’m a bit nervous even as I type this, because I’m worried I’m “not doing it right.” How many of you will really see this? Does it matter? Am I typing it right?

And then I take a deep breath. And remember this:

God sees everything I do. He’s happy with each step I take. He’s ready and anxious for me to grow- and show up on the page.

So. Here I am.😊

oxoxo,

blissfully yours,

-emma

life updates + encouragement

 Remember when I got a blog and never posted anything on it for months and months? Hahaha…😅

I’ve had a lot on my mind recently. If you follow me on Instagram, or if you know me personally, you can probably guess a lot of the reasons why.

And the physical things are to blame for a lot of it, I guess. My summer was more packed than all my summers have ever been. I went to two girls camps for two different stakes, and two youth conferences for two different stakes (and I helped plan one of those youth conferences!). Oh, and I moved back to my hometown of Chesapeake, Virginia, and settled into a new house and a new ward. We’re still working on getting all our stuff out of boxes, but hey, it’s something.

So, yeah, there’s all that going on. But I’ve had a lot of other thoughts I feel like I should share with you.

Really, there’s just been this pull within me to...do something. Kinda ironic, considering that while I do adore being busy, I’m kind of naturally a lazy person. No shame in that. (Okay, so there’s some shame.) I’d very gladly take staying home curled up on my bed with a good book, access to Pinterest (my extremely guilty pleasure), a water bottle and maybe some kind of snack like cookies and chips over, say, a night at the movies. Or an amusement park. Or just going out and doing something big in general.

Because that is how I naturally am. And you might think that’s funny, considering I tend to be really upbeat and confident in social settings. Because surprise! I love being with the people I love. I love learning new things. I love being so busy that I don’t have time to be lazy. Throwing myself into hard work feels awesome, especially when I can reap the rewards of that hard work (even if they aren’t instantaneous).

But in both of these, I have two different extremes. The first is the tendency to be more lazy, to lie around and take the easy route rather than work. This side of me is subject to the things that will make her happy in the moment, but in the long run provide no satisfaction.

The other side of me is the exact opposite. She’s a perfectionist in every sense of the word. She has to be doing all the things, all the time, or else she’s a failure. She’s always stressed and never content with the little things she gets done. She’s never good enough.

So, with these two sides at war, it’s easy to see why I get stuck. Because while I’m lying on my bed eating chips, inside I want to be writing an award-winning novel. To be smart enough to get a college degree at fifteen. To be doing anything other than being a slug.

But the war inside of me is too exhausting. So I remain. Meanwhile, we’ve mysteriously run out of chips.

Okay, so I’m not typing this up to give myself an excuse. Absolutely not. Rather, I want to give a voice to my struggles. Because I know I’m not alone. Your struggles might look like mine, or they might look entirely different. But either way, they are valid. We all have a war raging within us. And each side has a different vice they’re fighting for. A vice that is so personal to us, it could very easily tear us down. And the dark armies would win.

But fear not! For we have a secret weapon that even the craftiest generals don’t know about.

These armies are based within us, so to discover their motives, we must simply delve into our weaknesses. Our carnal tendencies. These are with us because we are a fallen people. Overcoming these weaknesses is one of the highest requirements for us to become the Divine people we are meant to be.

Of course, that means Satan’s gonna use those weaknesses to find where to target us, trying to bring us down. That’s his whole purpose for existing, after all. But he doesn’t know that in doing that, he gives us yet another advantage.

All of Satan’s lies were once based in truth.

Have you ever heard the phrase “too much of a good thing”? Well, it’s especially true for me. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of yourself or taking a break if you need it, but since I’m more prone to want more “me-time” than I need, Satan’s of course going to use those temptations to try and keep me from accomplishing my goals.

And there’s nothing wrong with being ambitious or desiring to be better, but since I’m self-conscious and a perfectionist, Satan’s of course going to use that to discourage me and draw my focus away from the Savior and my goals.

That leads perfectly into another thing! The point behind all my rambling.

Because while it’s very true that these are my weaknesses, and that Satan does in fact use them to tempt me, I have a power that I haven’t touched on yet. And guess what? You have this power too! We all do.

We are children of something divine.

We are conduits for Light.

By Light, I mean the Spirit. It’s His influence that gives us the power of focus.

When we’re focused on why we really set goals- to take a step closer to becoming better, to becoming more like Christ- we can have a better perspective. The little worldly things that we tend to become so focused on (especially as teenagers, oh my word) start to look so...small!

And I desperately need this light in my life. Because- I love my friends, okay? I love life. I love being a teenager and all the opportunities opening up to me in my youth. But it’s at this stage that I start to feel so much pressure. To always be there for my friends and family. To attend every event. To excel at every subject. To respond to that text, because heaven forbid I accidentally leave that person on read- not because I don’t care, but because I had something I was working on-

I don’t want to miss out.

And when you focus on the tiny things in this world…

Like Pinterest feeds, and every little text, and every single little thought or fantasy…

You wonder how you’ll ever get anything done.

Or if anything you’re doing is worth it.

It’s worth it.

Life is more than the little things.

And the big things you’re “missing out” on!

Life's an adventure. A roller-coaster.

And it doesn’t end here.

I promise you (and myself, ‘cause I need to hear this too), your work is not in vain.

It gets better.

It doesn’t just revolve around you.

There’s people out there who love you. Who are their own people. And they’re going to grow and evolve and maybe move on.

But that is all someday.

For now, hold them close.

Let them ride on their own seat in the roller coaster.

And trust yourself. ‘Cause it’s only you, and no one else, who can pave your own way.

God has a plan for you from the very start onward, but it’s up to you to take the first step.

Don’t wait for the “right time”. Start now!

You’ll win the war. I promise.

But it starts with the first step.

-Emma